Health Watch: The emotional weight of infertility

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (WATE) — The emotional toll infertility can take on a couple or individual wanting to conceive is huge. 

“We got married later than typical, usual people. I was 30. He was in his 30s and so we thought we’ll just start, you know, trying to have a family,” said Lisa Laugherty.

She and her husband, Brandon, now have a beautiful family of five. You would never know the Laughertys, like so many couples, found their path to parenthood wasn’t an easy one.

“It is an emotional toll. The hormones, the emotions of seeing your friends and family have babies so easy. You know, I was more emotional than him maybe because I’m a woman. Maybe, because I wanted a baby so bad. And I saw friends and family having babies so easily. And, you know, in the back of my mind, I’m thinking how is it so easy for them,” she said.

Brittany Tyler is a counselor with mental health provider, Thriveworks. She wants people to keep in mind that you don’t know why someone hasn’t started a family.

“Keep in mind that it is possible since you know like one-in-five people do struggle with this, so it is quite possible that somebody in that relationship may have that [infertility], so maybe let them bring that up instead of putting that pressure on them. Because then sometimes people feel like maybe they’re disappointing their loved ones if they’re not able to, you know, have a baby right away,” said Tyler.

She said the emotional toll can lead to depression, anxiety, and a loss of identity.

“I think the biggest thing is to not isolate. To really find a support system and talk to them, rely on them, because often, it’s not talked about as much. You know the infertility process. And it may not be something you feel comfortable talking about,” said Tyler.

Some couples choose not to open up about their infertility, but the Laughertys did lean on their community.

“We were having conversations and that was the helpful part of it. To have those conversations with people that had went through this journey already,” said Lisa. 

They also kept the lines of communication open in their marriage. 

“Lisa was nothing but supportive. Never made me feel like, ‘hey, this is your fault.’ I think you’ve just got to make sure you’re supporting each other and looking at all that and we had a great support group,” Brandon said. “The whole time that we were trying, people that knew we returned. My parents her mom, her mom’s church, were sending us things, options. It just so happened God led us to NEDC.”

Their family finally happening via embryo adoption, through the National Embryo Donation Center. Three children, two girls and a boy, completing their dreams of having a family.